


You Can't Die

by hornyrocks



Category: Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:42:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hornyrocks/pseuds/hornyrocks
Summary: On the verge of death, Servant comes to accept his failure in even being a stepstone for his so adored hope, now longing the almost palpable freedom from the torment of his life long tragedies cycle. But even then, his luck seems to have other plans.When Kamukura Izuru saves him and takes charge of his recovery, Servant expects nothing but coldness, holding tight to his logic even as their relationship starts to twist into something despairfully complicated.
Relationships: Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 6
Kudos: 78





	1. Prologue: The First Step on the Golden Bricks Path

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a one-shot smut idk what happened

Servant inhaled sharply, warm wetness soaking his waist as he crawled away from the building. Inside, fresh corpses resided, the cause of both the deep cut just below his stomach and the horrific bruise on his face. He had been caught up in the middle of a random, gruesome fight, but managed to luckily come out alive by playing dead after a few hits. "Lucky," he scoffed while squirming towards a big garbage bin, a place just fitting for someone like him.

When he was properly propped against it, he finally decided to take a look at the wound, lowering his gaze quite slowly, afraid of what he would see. And indeed, the air was harshly sucked out from his lungs when his eyes met the amount of blood gushing out, already forming a little pool around him. "Oh, no, no." His hands pressed blindly on the dark red void trying to stop the bleeding, the left one barely making any pressure. Servant's mind turned into a whirlwind, the shock of his state filling his head like an alarm. No, his life couldn't end there, in the middle of nowhere and by the hands of some talentless, pitiful beings who now laid cold and still and mangled inside the building. What kind of hope would be birthed from a death like that? Was he not supposed to even have his dying wish granted, at the end of it all? His face slit in a crooked smile, despair filling the space the drained blood left in his shivering body. After all the dreadful things Servant had done, he wouldn't even be able to become the righteous stepping stone to the hope he yearned so intensely for.

Ah, but that was only proper, wasn't it? For such an outrageously egocentric being as himself, to even think he could be nearly enough to represent a pebble in the golden brick path to hope, an insignificant end was much deserved. Servant's smile hurt as he thought about the bitterness of his finale, truly a punishment for all his crimes, even though coated by the slick, sweet release from a life full of tragedies. It was only fitting, indeed.

A hard choke jolted his torso forward, making the pain impossibly worse, and he let himself fall and lay completely on the ground, both hands sliding to sit limp at his sides and freeing the blood to run free again. Servant's mind was already foggy, body feeling light and drained of life, and his smile started to falter. Even if he tried, he wouldn't be able to stop the tears washing his face, the sobs forming as this cold feeling grew bigger and bigger inside him, taking over every bit of his self. Despair. So familiar, yet still so dreadful.

The edges of his vision slowly started to turn black, and he thought about how the wrecked cityscape was the last thing he would be able to see. How despairful. How so, very much despairful. At other times, Servant would have been able to come up with a chain of infinite and distinct degrading words to describe his situation, but now that was the only one consuming his being. Servant sniffed and managed a soft smile again as his body relaxed involuntarily. It was time. A shadow grew over him, long tendrils of death tickling his face. "Beautiful", Servant thought, being unable to elaborate anything else for his illusion. It called his name, so harsh yet so softly, red piercing gaze devouring his whole soul. And then, even as he exhaled his last shuddering breath, Servant couldn't tear his eyes away.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to write this twice because im stupid and didnt save the file correctly :D

Vaguely, Servant started becoming aware of his unfathomable state. Submerged in a deep, dense sea of static, his brain wasn't able to process any signals that could've been sent to it, barely managing to keep his unconsciousness conscious. Fog encroached every possible corner of his mind, making it impossible to have even one coherent thought, and Servant would possibly be extremely frustrated at that, weren't those strange conditions also limiting his emotional capabilities. Wherever he was, it seemed that not one thing was permitted existence, everything locked away from the never-ending cage that sentenced him to an eternity of unreasoned floating around.

But of course, he was not to be unbothered forever, as it seemed that even the existenceless realm agreed that Servant should be punished. Flooding the void, a sharp pain tore its way through his conflictuous peacefulness, forcing his brain to take note of every single alarmed nerve with a striking shock. The perturbance seemed to drag out Servant's mind closer to the surface, and soon he could feel his body self-constructing as the pain grew out on a rhythm.

Shoulders suddenly appeared tensed, and cold sweat started to break out from newly formed skin. Warm pressure sat on one of two sharp hipbones, and his right hand squirmed around, searching for anything possible to grab as the pain felt more real at each passing second. And then, just as Servant was nearly able to pinpoint its position, the discomfort ceased almost too abruptly.

A relieved sigh quickly left his lungs, happy at the freedom from that sourceless torture, his body now more than ready to dive back into his weird but certainly tranquil slumber. And Servant would've done just that, if it wasn't for the stern call for his name, one that he hadn't confided to anyone after the incident.

With curiosity filling a barely awakened brain, Servant fluttered his eyes open, squirming at the unnecessary amount of light they bluntly received. After a few seconds of blindness, he could now discern a dark tall figure by his side, black slick hair cascading down they're back, a damp cotton ball in one hand as the other held Servant's hipbone firmly. Then, he reached blood red eyes, and his mouth parted slightly, memories rushing back in as shivers ran down his shirtless body. Servant had died. Or at least, he thought he had.

"You remember," the man stated, simply, after a few seconds. Servant stayed silent, eyes locked with red ones until he couldn't bear it anymore and looked to the side.

"Yes, Kamukura-sama," his voice came out weak and hoarse, but still audible. Kamukura Izuru, the illustrious Ultimate Hope. Or former, maybe he should say, since now they were all considered Ultimate Despair. Still, Servant felt great reverence towards the man, accompanied by a weird attraction that had struck him since their first encounter. Sure enough, he would never disturb Kamukura with such disgusting feelings; it was presumptuous of him to even have acknowledged them. But whenever they bumped into each other at a Remnants meeting, Servant would be again consumed by the grandeur of the Ultimate Hope and his own unreciprocated feelings, and that emptiness, of course, drove Servant mad, spiraling at his own despair and how much he only deserved it.

At some point amidst Servant's rambling fantasies Kamukura had shifted his attention back to his lower abdomen, where a mess of red flesh and stitches stretched out grossly. Servant inhaled sharply when the cotton ball was gently pressed against his wound, now able to understand where the previous pain came from. However, his mind kept wondering, trying to fill in the blanks from his latest memories. Even to his slowed down brain, it was somewhat easy to determine what had happened: Kamukura had had the grace to save him and was still treating him to that point. But as smart and perceptive Servant could be, one detail still didn't quite made sense: why had he done that?

Servant hummed, watching as Kamukura discarded the dirty cotton balls, pondering if the other already knew what he was about to ask and the whole course of their conversation. "Probably," he concluded, based on the memories from all the times the man had interrupted the Remnants to basically carry the meeting by himself, answering every question before it was even considered in their classmate's heads. But even though Kamukura very much probably already knew everything he had to say, Servant still had to ask for answers, and so he did.

"Kamukura-sama?" He called, softly, and the other directed him a sideways glance. "How did you find me there?" Servant waited as Kamukura gazed over him, maybe analyzing his expression.

"I was merely walking around the area. One might even say it was due to your luck I found you." A faint smile crept its way in Servant's face at the answer. Luck, of course, what was he expecting?

"Hmm, but you didn't have to save me, though. All this trouble" He gestured towards his stitched wound, "for lowly trash like me. Ah, Kamukura-sama, to think you even dirtied your hands with my sickened blood! The Ultimate Hope shouldn't have to deal with such filthy things." His arms moved to curl around his own body, chills coursing through at the thought of Kamukura's hands wet and red, fingers searching deeply inside his slit stomach. What a sight! If only he hadn't been so weak, he would've been able to contemplate it with his own two eyes.

"I have been observing you for a while." the man said, and Servant snapped back quickly from his fantasies, arms sliding down to his sides, his heart leaping in his chest at the statement. Kamukura had been watching him? "Your luck cycle, to be more precise." Servant's jaw tensed, smile growing crooked. His _luck_. Of course.

"And why is that, Kamukura-sama?" A tiny drop of disappointment still went unconcealed at his voice, but Servant's expression was perfectly calm and contained, even as Kamukura gave him another long, cold stare before speaking again.

"It is rather erradic." He made a pause, and those deep red eyes flickered with something Servant couldn't quite recognize, but still sent his blood rushing in his veins. "Unpredictable." His word choice made a dry laugh escape Servant's lungs to echo in the room. A warm, familiar feeling sparked in the back of his mind, but he quickly repressed it. There was only one hope for him, and it certainly wasn't that one.

"Oh, so did Kamukura-sama found something even him can't predict?" Servant said teasingly while tilting his head to the side. The flicker in the other's ruby eyes died at that, giving space to his bored, cold stare again. Kamukura's only answer was a low groan before he started walking to leave, but then stopped at the door.

"I am going to search for more anaesthetics. Please refrain from moving, as you will risk opening your wound again." And without another beat, Kamukura disappeared from Servant's view. He mused over the Ultimate Hope's reaction for a moment, smiling to himself. Even though the man hadn't moved one muscle of his face, Servant was sure he felt a pang of irritation coming from the other, and a sudden excitement filled him at the thought of riping out more emotions from Kamukura.

Servant sighed, settling more comfortably at the double bed he laid on, lost in his own mind once more. How was his luck balance again? His near death experience resulted in being saved by Kamukura, so the omen was for bad things to come. He would need to get out soon, or else his luck could end up affecting the other as well. Maybe a swarm of talentless people would break into the house and shoot countless wholes in them as a revenge for their other insignificant friends, or maybe all the monokumas in the region would malfunction and come to shred their limbs apart. Many possibilities crossed Servant's mind like a movie, until he couldn't hold his eyelids open anymore and drifted away easily to sleep.

-

Hours later, when Servant awakened, his body felt as heavy as if it was being crushed by a gigantic hydraulic press. Hot and sweating all over, pain burned from his abdomen like he was being cut from inside, his head felt dizzy and confused until he was able to recall reality completely. Servant tried to squirm around involuntarily, only to groan loudly in agony from the pain of moving, and as if all of that wasn't enough his left eye also started to twinge, forcing him to recognize a forgotten bruise.

Servant's breathing became loud and labored as he tried to focus, searching for a reasoning for the sudden burst of pain, since he was feeling just fine before. Kamukura must have given him anaesthetics when he was treating his wound and the effect was most probably wearing off now, Servant concluded. Cursing, he let a hand comb through his pale hair in exasperation. Kamukura didn't say how long he would be gone, did he? God, even if he did, Servant couldn't tell how much time he had been asleep to compare. All that was left to him was to wait and endure the pain. Servant scoffed and bit his hand, staring intently at the ceiling. How unlucky.

Torment-drenched minutes that lasted an eternity passed before Servant heard the hopeful lock of the door being turned. Immediately, he showed a relieved smile, desperate arms outstretched towards the man that stood still in front of the door.

"Kamukura-sama!" Servant called, voice airy and whiny, and only then the other started to move, locking the room and directing himself to the bed. He placed a hand over the sickly's forehead before pressing slightly at the bruise on his eye, causing Servant to tense up under the touch. Then, with quick and precise motions, Kamukura fetched a syringe and a small glass bottle and prepared the anaesthetic, holding Servant's arm out to administer it.

"I'm so lucky! Kamakura-sama came to save me again!" Servant babbled, now visibly affected by the fever, but the other didn't give much mind, discarding the syringe over the bedside table.

"You weren't supposed to need another dose until tomorrow." Kamukura said, apparently wondering out loud. Servant's smile slit from side to side, and he tempted to move as the anaesthetic started to make way through his veins, but the brunette held him still by the shoulders.

"Ah, didn't you say it yourself, Kamukura-sama? It's just unpredictable, my luck!" A giggle bubbled from his throat midsentence, his eyes locked on to ruby ones. "Isn't it just fantastic?" Servant's voice came out low and whispery, his head tilting slightly to the side, holding an intense stare that almost made Kamukura's eyebrow twitch. An then, the albino suddenly burst into a delirious laugh that filled the entire room with uneasiness. Kamukura just stared as Servant's episode continued, his green eyes darkened and uncanny as storm clouds on a windy night. Slowly, the albino's frenzy started to die down, body relaxing until he went limp on the bed, the medication finally hitting full effect. Kamukura stood up straight, waiting for the other to doze off, but Servant just kept looking at him with needy eyes, and mere seconds had passed when the ultimate couldn't take it anymore.

"What is it?" He asked bluntly and watched as Servant's lips curled up in a teasing smile.

"I need to pee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dude i dont know how people can write whole ass 10k chapters like i took five days just to finish this  
> but i think it ended in a nice point so ill leave it haha  
> also, i have a question, is it wrong to use brunette for mans? i hope not oops  
> anyways thank you for reading till here again! i hope youre all liking it :)


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote most of this when i was drunk and reviewed while hungover so uuh yeah

"I'm finished." Servant hummed, putting his dick back in his pants. Kamukura entered the room and shot him a cold, sharp gaze, to wich Servant couldn't help but open a wide smile. He wanted to blame his humour on his still fairly dizzy head, from both the fever and the medication, but Servant knew better than that. His defenses were kicking in high now that he was so vulnerable and Kamukura was the only one there taking care of him. He didn't want his hopes to grow, not _these_ ones, no. Servant didn't have any reason to read too much into Kamukura's actions, but he knew that would inevitably happen the longer they stayed together. Servant needed to get away from the man, yes, he just wished he wouldn't be dazed and spiting nonsense when he finally did it.

Kamukura walked to the bed and grabbed the bucket where Servant had pissed from the floor, face neutral and collected like he always was. Servant couldn't help admiring the elegant flowiness of Kamukura's movements despite doing something so mundane. That, he remembered, was one of the details to dazzle him even at their first encounter, even with a gun being pointed to himself.

Suddenly, before he could cover up his blatant staring, Kamukura's blood red eyes were linked to his own. Servant hated the warm blush that dusted his cheeks, but he hated even more feeling his expression morphing automatically to a mocking one, the venomous words already tingling his tongue.

"You seemed a little annoyed, Kamukura-sama. Did something happen, hm?" Servant's voice was slurred and teasing, eyes locked with the brunet's, attempting to hold him in place even as his heart was beating nervously in his chest. But Kamukura broke the stare easily, turning around to leave, and that sent a pang of annoyment down Servant's chest. Was he being ignored? The wicked words now started dripping from his chin, fueled by the sight Kamukura's back and his silence. Even as his gut told him it was a ridiculous idea to pester the man holding a bucket of his piss, Servant's mouth didn't seem to give a fuck about it.

"What, don't you tell me you're disappointed you couldn't also predict my bathroom needs?" At that, Kamukura paused on his feet, and a victorious laugh echoed from Servant's throat. "Aw, seems like all your talents are starting to wear off. So much for the Ultimate Hope himself, huh." The words barely left Servant's mouth and even his disoriented brain wished he could take them back, but his cocky smile held on, waiting for Kamukura to turn around and confront him.

"I'm going to prepare dinner." Was all that left the brunet's mouth before he continued walking. Servant fell silent, his smile fading as the door closed and he was again alone in the room. In his mind, the scene started repeating itself over and over and over again, the only difference being that each time Kamukura's hands would end him with a different weapon, a different poison, a different string of blows.

Servant watched the ceiling, immobile, countless ticks of a clock he couldn't see filling the room. When the haze in his mind finally dissipated, he already had a full apology scripted on his tongue, body tensed and heart beating hard with guilt. Surely he must've lost his mind to scorn at the Ultimate Hope like that, the man who had just saved his life. Even being disoriented, even for scum like him, _especially_ for scum like him, that was unacceptable, unbelievable, Servant couldn't even wrap his head around a punishment severe enough to balance his actions.

Time passed too slow when the only thing he had to do was stew over his own disgrace, and his lips were one bite from bleeding when the door handle started to move. Servant inhaled sharply, right hand forming a fist while Kamukura entered the room, a tray with two plates and one cup in one hand as the other locked the door behind him. The brunet rested the tray on the bedside table and dragged the armchair on the corner of the room closer to the side where Servant laid on the bed. Servant could barely breath as Kamukura sat down and took one of the plates, stirring slowly what looked like simple vegetables soup before offering one spoonful to him. Servant ate silently, still not looking the Ultimate in the eyes, which only made the moment ten times more awkward, until the moment he couldn't bear it anymore and cleared his throat, which made Kamukura stop the spoon in the air.

"Why are you doing this?" Servant asked, voice now low and soft. His eyes still didn't meet the red ones, but it didn't stop him from feeling them analyzing his face.

"I already told you," Kamukura answered after a second, "I'm interested in you and your luck." Again, his luck. Was that even enough compensation to put up with someone like Servant?

"If you just wanted me alive, you can leave me now, Kamukura-sama. I can administer the medication and clean the wounds by myself, I've done it before. Besides," Servant gulped, his breathing faltering slightly, "if you stay by my side for too long my luck will catch up to you, and I would be of no help in this state." Finally out with that, Servant gathered the courage to search for those ruby eyes, but soon wished he hadn't. Kamukura's gaze was so deeply dull and bored it made a cold chill run down Servant's spine, a level of disappointment in the Ultimate's eyes he had never seen before. For a moment, Kamukura looked like he was ready to get up and walk away and leave Servant to heal on his own just like he had asked for. But instead, he just put the spoon back on the plate and rested more comfortably on the armchair, strands of hair sliding down his shoulders to his lap.

"You've forgotten, Komaeda." Servant shivered at the sound of his old name and as if on purpose, Kamukura let it hang in the air for some time before he spoke again. "I own every talent, and that include yours." The Ultimate reached for the bedside table drawer while Servant opened his mouth to counter, but lost his voice when Kamukura held out a gun, quickly pressing it against his own temple, nestled among dark, silky locks. The air left Servant's lungs so fast it was painful, green eyes widening so much they could've just popped out. Before he could even react, Kamukura's finger moved and a deafening click echoed through the room, but no blood spilled. Servant only stared dumbfounded as Kamukura pulled the trigger one more time, and another and again, but nothing happened. 

Then, as elegant as always, he aimed the gun out to the window, his gaze still resting on the albino's face. One more click and the blow finally came, making Servant's whole body jolt painfully, a screech escaping his mouth. Kamukura immediately put the gun away, leaning in to assist the other, one hand pressing slightly at his waist while he examined the wound shortly, returning to look at Servant's startled face right after.

"Pardon me. If I didn't go as far you wouldn't accept it." Kamukura said, but Servant could merely stare, heart racing in his chest. The thought that he had been near experiencing the Ultimate Hope blow his brains out just to prove a point to scum like him should've left him terrified, yes, his insides should be now twisting with guilt. But instead, the reason his breathing was so erratic was completely different. Someone putting themselves on the other end of a gun for him without one tinge of hesitation left him spiraling, chest so full it hurt. The Ultimate Hope, oh, how could he have forgotten? _Someone his luck couldn't hurt_.

Servant's breathing started to change into a low chuckle, his cheeks flushed in pink. He must've been looking disgusting like that, pants considerably tighter and body hot all over, but for a moment Servant decided to not care, even as Kamukura's gaze burned intensely on him. After all, maybe there was some hope for him.

"Fine, then." Servant said, after making sure his voice was stable enough. "I'll let you stay for now, since you want it so much." He teased, a genuine smile on his lips. Kamukura stared for a moment, raising a brow so slightly that Servant wouldn't know if the man had actually done it or not. "So, can I keep eating now?" He added when the silence stretched for too long, and Kamukura finally broke their eye contact, taking his hand away from the albino's hip to grab the plate and spoon again. Servant finished eating in silence, contemplating the warm ghost mark Kamukura's hand had left on his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gah why didnt it my cross shit brain that the gun scene was sO fucking cRinGe god why am i like this jesus fucking christ  
> but yeah ive been so busy these last days + my stupid head having a crysis over every little thing, its been a hard time (hence the alcohol) and i dont think id be able to do any better than this so i hope its not that bad  
> also if i delayed this id probably spend the next three days freaking out over not updating one week after the last chapter cause i guess my mind is just that annoying so yay  
> anyways sorry for the vent guys its been rough, thank you for reading till here though


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hands you a new chapter one month later*
> 
> i mean at least it has 2k words?
> 
> kamukura is a little bit out of character here (as if he being kind to servant wasnt already) bUt its still cool cool
> 
> this one is very funny to me cause you can literally feel how ive lost control of this fic

"Say, how long you think it will take for me to heal completely?" Servant asked, raising his right arm for Kamukura to clean. The taller man was now wiping him with a damp cloth before they could sleep for the night, since he couldn't get out of the bed to take a proper shower.

"I'd rather keep you under my care for at least two months." He answered as neutral as possible, but the amount of time still made Servant raise his brows in surprise.

"All that? Hm, seems like the cut was deeper than I thought." He tensed up a little when Kamukura pressed the cloth closer to the wound, and soon relaxed as the man continued to his legs. Servant was now wearing only his boxers, but he knew better than to let his hormones take over, especially after the incident earlier. Kamukura hadn't commented, but Servant was sure he had noticed. After all, the first thing the Ultimate did after putting out the gun was examine his wound, a place dangerously close to the bulge on his pants.

Servant was brought out when the wet cloth tickled his feet, a small surprised sound escaping his mouth. Kamukura looked over to him, as to confirm everything was fine, and continued when Servant offered a short nod. The man finished quickly and Servant wiggled his now somewhat clean toes happily. He just couldn't help the giddiness, not when a wave of hope washed him everytime he looked at Kamukura. Even if they were probably not be together the way Servant's heart desired, it was still an opportunity of a friendship, a partnership, a whatever-ship, he didn't care. If Kamukura just wanted to analyze him, so be it, he was going to be the best subject ever. As long as he wasn't going to die completely alone, despised and forgotten by life itself.

"What are you thinking about?" Kamukura asked, and Servant noticed he had been blatantly staring again. He covered whatever expression he had before with a wide smile and shook his head slightly. If he wanted to keep Kamukura close, he should most definitely not disturb him with those types of thoughts.

"Nothing really, just wondering." He answered, and in return received a glare that clearly read through his lie. Servant failed holding back a laugh at that, which just made the brunet's eyes narrow even more. "For someone as expressionless as you, Kamukura-sama, your eyes do tell a lot!" He giggled, happy to notice Kamukura's gaze going softer. The man eyed Servant's feet for a moment, then went back to his face, leaving the albino almost no time to be confused as he stated, all neutral again:

"It's best for us to sleep now. Tomorrow I'll find you some clean clothes, but tonight you'll have to sleep like this. Do you need me to cover you?" Servant inhaled deeply, ignoring the flutter in his heart, and nodded slowly. Kamukura went out and fetched the blankets quickly, then started tucking the other in comfortably, and the albino just couldn't control the giddy feelings in his chest when Kamukura's hands were so, so close to his face. Then, the Ultimate stretched up straight and started lazily walking around the bed, causing Servant's brain to panic for a moment. Was he going to sleep with him? The bed was big enough for the two of them, sure, but that was still a little too intimate, wasn't it? Maybe Servant was just being paranoid. Yes, Kamukura felt nothing for him besides scientific interest. It would be the same as sleeping with a corpse you'd be going to perform an autopsy on later. 

Servant could only barely start twisting that thought into something else before a loud sound jolted him awake from his daydreams once again. Apparently, Kamukura had only walked around to close the window and was now directing himself to the door. God, of course he wasn't going to sleep with disgusting trash like him, what had he been thinking? Suddenly, Servant's face felt incredibly hot.

"Good night, Komaeda" Kamukura said, back still turned to him, and flicked the lights off. Servant barely had time to collect himself, between his deepening blush and hearing his name so clear and loud, to react and sputter the words back:

"Good night, Kamukura-sama!".

-

Morning came and with it breakfast time. Servant was already awake when Kamukura came through the door, tray of food in hand and dressed in his usual black attire. The luckster remembered faintly hearing the driblets of a shower before sleeping last night, and wondered if Kamukura had spare suits even in this situation. He quickly pushed his thoughts aside when the man got closer, splitting into a shiny smile with his hands resting peacefully on his chest.

"Good morning, Kamukura-sama! Have you slept well?" He greeted, trying to sound genuine in his caring. Not that he wasn't, but he couldn't afford being misunderstood in this situation. Servant needed to be the perfect companion if he wanted to keep Kamukura's curiosity on him alive. Well, as perfect as a broken statue could be, at least.

"Good morning, Komaeda." The greeting was short and polite, and Kamukura only barely looked at him. Servant's breath still hitched at his forgotten name, and he considered asking the other to drop it. Servant didn't deserve a name anymore, not after all he had done. He smiled faintly, asking himself why he hadn't realized it earlier. That was all he was, a Servant, tossed around at the mercy of fate itself. It was all he was good for, it was the only way he could repent his wrongs. Giving himself up for something bigger, for someone whose life certainly had more value than his own. Before Servant noticed, his smile was twisted into a scowl as ugly as his thoughts.

"Komaeda." Kamukura's voice was just a whisper crossing through his mind, but as soon as Servant recognized it, he jolted awake. 

"Ah, sorry, Kamukura-sama, seems I lost myself for a second." In a beat, his bright smile was stretched wide again, but it didn't reach his eyes. Kamukura didn't say anything, only analyzing him with his blood red irises. If that stare meant to doubt him or if it willed him to elaborate, Servant didn't know. 

After a moment of silence Kamukura sighed, pulling the covers from the paler boy and folding them into a neat, puffy square that he placed on the bed, close to Servant's feet. The albino just admired while the Ultimate went for the window, ever so elegantly, and opened it, then came back to sit on the same armchair he threatened to kill himself last night. Servant wondered if that was going to be their little morning routine for the next two months, and the thought helped his smile grow more honest.

That was, only until Kamukura retrieved a plate filled once again with some kind of soup, when there was clearly the smell of toast and eggs in the air. Servant opened his mouth, about to protest, but shut it quickly. Kamukura was offering him food, taking care of him, and his first thought in the morning was to be displeased that he wasn't receiving a hotel style breakfast? He sure missed Teruteru's cuisine from time to time, but that was no reason to be ungrateful. Worse even, to say anything would be to risk annoying Kamukura, subsequently risking his chance with their relationship as a whole.

"Thank you for the food," Servant said instead, parting his lips slightly to signal he was ready to be fed, only to be met by another one of Kamukura's long stares. The albino squirmed uncomfortably the longer the silence stretched, a small nervous smile crepting on his face. Had he done something wrong? Maybe Kamukura wasn't going to feed him, and was just plain disgusted at the presumptuous assumption. But he had fed him dinner last night, hadn't he? Maybe he actually realized how pathetic Servant really was, barely worth being called human, let alone reveling in the presence of an Ultimate, _the_ Ultimate Hope. Kamukura had probably just decided to give up and search for something actually worthwhile. If anything, his gaze certainly said so; cold and utterly bored. Servant held his breath, unable to look away even as Kamukura's next words broke him completely from the inside.

"It seems I have made a mistake."

 _Yes, you finally realized, Kamukura-sama._ In his head, that was what he wanted to say, but his mouth could only muster a distant smile followed by a slight nod. Tears prickled his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away. He had no right to cry, not when he knew how this was going to end from the beginning. His chest hurt as if he had actually been stabbed there, the wound still open and throbbing, blood gushing rhythmically with the beatings of his heart. Once again, Servant was riding down the ridiculous roller coaster his luck presented to him, plummeting straight to the floor with no security bar.

"Komaeda, are you listening to me?" The hand on his shoulder coursed a shiver through him, red piercing gaze suddenly much closer. Servant stuttered, shaking his head for no reason, until he could focus enough to raise his voice.

"I'm so sorry, Kamukura-sama! Ah, I completely understand your decision! It's alright, really, I can take care of myself from now on, if that means Kamukura-sama can get away from lowly trash like me and attain absolute hope! Not like you are far from it, Kamukura-sama really is the Ultimate Hope after all! I am eternally grateful for your caring, and don't worry; I won't be getting into no more trouble so you wouldn't need to waste your time saving me again at all!"

Servant felt his head spin, losing control over his babbling. His voice sickened his own ears, cracking and interrupted by deafening deep breaths, suddenly every little aspect of it was disgusting, from the sound of his lips smacking to the way his tongue rolled inside his mouth. Servant couldn't take it anymore. All he wanted was for Kamukura to go away so he could cry and sulk, so that he could let his disease corrode him from the inside while mold feasted on his carcass.

"Komaeda, calm down. Deep breaths, in through your nose, out from your mouth. Count with me." Servant only realized he was crying when Kamukura became a blur of red and black. The Ultimate's thumb drew circles on his shoulder, hand pressing slightly everytime Servant successfully completed one round of the breathing exercise. Slowly, his body relaxed, comforting numbness coursing through as only Kamukura's voice counting and his own soft little sobs and hiccups filled the room. It felt like anything other than that would break the spell, and Servant would be thrown at reality again. Unfortunately, there was no running from it. He had already taken too much of Kamukura's goodwill, and the longer he prolonged it, the worse it would get. 

With that Servant steeled himself, taking a deep breath and preparing a proper apology and a thankful goodbye, only to be cut off by Kamukura's voice.

"I'm not going to leave you." The words made Servant's breath hitch, eyes widening and mouth hanging open, but Kamukura didn't even let him process the meaning of them as he continued speaking calmly right after, making sure Servant was still hearing him. "I couldn't, even if you wanted me to. You're barely able to sit up in your current state; it would be impossible for you to fulfill even the most basic, necessary tasks. I would be leaving you to your death." Servant's heart tightened so much it felt like it was going to burst. He couldn't help the wobbly smile on his lips, the nervousness on his hand as it all sank in, the reality that he was not being left alone, that Kamukura hadn't given up on him. He had almost calmed his pulse, convincing himself that everything was fine, when Kamukura started talking again.

"My mistake was in my words." Servant's smile faltered at that, afraid that somehow there was still something wrong, something _he_ had done. "I told you I was interested primarily on your luck, and failed to consider your interpretation hearing that." If Servant wasn't so close, so concentrated on the other's expressions, he could've missed the half second of hesitation when Kamukura's jaw tensed, bright red eyes locked onto green ones. "I'm interested in you, Komaeda. Your luck cycle merely helped my attention to fall upon you. Unpredictable events are despair, just as she said. But an unpredictable person, tangled between hope and despair, what defines them? I want to understand." 

"Thus there's no need to conceal your thoughts or try to please me, as I deduce is what you were thinking. Your genuine actions are what piqued my interest. If helps you to think like that, in doing so you would be obscuring my research." Kamukura cleared his throat, an action one might have even considered nervousness, if it weren't for the man in question. "So, you can be yourself."

Servant stared, dumbfounded and trying to absorb all of it. Those gentle words, all pronounced with the same solemn tone, were almost everything he could have wanted to hear. To be himself, to not be alone, to be something else other than his annoying luck. Being himself was enough, and that was almost too much a realization in itself.

"I... Th... Thank you, thank you, Kamukura-sama!" Servant sobbed, raising his right arm to wipe out his tears. The hand that still rested on his shoulder pressed slightly, comfortable warmth caressing the albino's rather cold skin while hiccups echoed through the room once again. As his crying died down, Servant kept his arm above his eyes, an awkward feeling twisting his guts. Now that everything was more or less settled, the realization that Kamukura had seen him in such pathetic state made his skin burn with shame, even only moments after hearing those kind words telling to just be himself. All in all, it still wasn't easy — or respectable — to openly act as the broken, despiteful mess Servant actually was.

"Would you like to eat now?" Kamukura said, retrieving his hand from Servant's shoulder to fetch for their breakfast. The luckster only nodded, maintaining his arm across his eyes, and parted his lips slightly to welcome one spoonful of soup. Instead, a piece of crunchy, toasted bread was stuffed in his mouth, tasty and buttered, even if rather cold after their little conversation. He lowered his arm slowly, meeting eyes with the brunet as he offered yet another small piece of the toast. Servant wanted to inquire about the soup, but Kamukura's gaze told him enough already. Smiling, he finished up his breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm, sorry about the long wait, i got kinda sidetracked, haha *sweats nervously*  
> well since ive been using this notes as my diary, lets keep it up with a summary of my last month!  
> i was fucking bITten by a stray dog, almost failed my drivers test, relived some old childhood trauma, came out as enby to my friends, questioned my whole sexual awakening aaaaaand finished danganronpa v3  
> seriously though, anyone wants discuss v3's ending? i have mixed feelings abt it idk  
> i was just so... skeptic when the audience was simply convinced by Shuichis speech like? idk 53 fucking seasons, a fucking mass sensation and they decide yeah yeah cool thats enough of it cause this lil boy here said the suffering is real, like yeah? it is? i mean they fucking apPLIed to be there so its not like its *wrong*? fuck god idk im conflicted gah
> 
> *pause to dance to sdr2 op*
> 
> kamukura has a foot fetish thats why he stared at servants feet that moment  
> jk he just thought the sound servant made when he tickled him was cute and was intrigued by it u-u  
> friendly reminder that aaalll that drama happened while servant was wearing just his briefs ahaha  
> also is this thing servant does here like zoning out and shit considered dissociating? uuh asking for a friend
> 
> aNywAys thank you guys again for reading till here! ill try to bring the next chapter quicker uwu

**Author's Note:**

> so uh yeah, this is my first fic like ever? also english is not my first language so i hope this is not too bad.  
> i kinda don't really know if this is gore-y enough to put a warning like that or any other, but i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable so if you feel like i should put any trigger warnings, please tell me!  
> if you'd like you can leave constructive criticism, that would be very much appreciated. actually i would love any well-intentioned comments :)  
> this will be a multi-chapter fic but i don't think ill have a strict schedule to upload, sorry. hope you still have a good time reading it though  
> thanks for reading till here!


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